so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
