I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
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