Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Randomize
