Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
