My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
