bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Randomize
