I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
