Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
