i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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