She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
