i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I need to stop coming to work sober
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
