My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
