You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
