i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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