this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
