I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
