Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I think people are normalizing furries
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
