probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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