Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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