i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
