I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
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