U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
