how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
