booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
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