This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
