Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
