I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
