marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
