A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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