Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Randomize
