maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
