If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
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