Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Randomize
