At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Randomize
