Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
