turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
