There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
