a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
