I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
