it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Randomize
