Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
