She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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