Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
