Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
