its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
