I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Randomize
