I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
im drinking this country out of the recession.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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