I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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