Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
