I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
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