I could make wine with my vomit
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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