I heard we made out
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
