I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
