good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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