Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
